August 30, 2000

My soul wants to scream to the horizons. A wordless scream of rage, frustration, fear, loss, indecision, delusion, horror… My mind won’t let me scream, though. If I scream now, people will hear me, and I’ll have to explain myself to them.

I see myself standing alone in the desert; flat sands stretching to the mountains far in the distance. I scream… but there is no one there to understand my scream. What’s the point?

We’re taught that acting for other people, putting on a show of emotions, is wrong. Its disingenuine. There is no real worth to an emotion if it is only displayed for others and not some uncontrollable feeling which may or may not occur to us in the presence of an audience. But man is not a solitary beast.

Sure, opposable thumbs and the ability to make tools may set us apart from the other species. Yes, we have developed beyond the reach of the survival of the fittest. We have explored our world, our bodies, and the heavens… But what truly sets us apart from “lesser” creatures is our ability to relate to others. That is what makes us human. So what is so damn wrong about feeling the need for a person to share in your feelings? What is so wrong about wanting someone there when you scream your lungs out, to share your pain, and shed a tear along with you…?

Not a damn thing.

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